Ecstasy

this is a test of the emergency warning broadcast sytem...

My first blog entry. I'm sure this will be a deeply therapeutic experience.

Now, about myself. I just finished my first year of university (well, university-college), with marks not good enough to get into the second year of my program. this is because I slept in class. I tried not to, I was usually in bed by 11 or 12, sometimes as early as 9:30, but I was always constantly tired. I still am, actually. I didn't learn my lesson the first time through, on student loans at that, so I'm planning to take most of my courses again next year. The whole thing is a bit depressing, but so long as I learn to think of nothing but school for eight months straight, to never even try to have any kind of fun, I'll be fine.

This leads to my next problem. That is why I'm writing this blog, after all. Problems! My parents drive me insane. I gather almost every person on earth has that in common, so I'll make this short. My dad is power-tripping over his ability to kick me out of the house, and both mom and dad are constantly whining at me to do things for them. "Design a webpage for my drinking club for little or no money" "Go make me some brownies"... those sorts of things.





My neck is really, really sore. I have no idea why. As are my arms, legs, eyes, most of my body. I probably haven't been getting enough sleep. Despite the name of this blog, I don't actually get much sleep. I'm laying down, or leaning on things, and my eyes are closed, but I'm usually just laying there completely exhausted wishing I could sleep.

All things considered, I really don't have a hard life at all. I was born into the middle class, and my countries government isn't as bad as most. I dislike the BC liberals (current provincal government party) a lot, by the way. They've been cutting funding to hospitals, schools, parks and recreation, welfare, and generally everything the poorer 98% of this province needs to get by. They've also been breaking up publiclly owned companies (transporation, electricity and utilities, etc.) and selling the profitable parts of them to private foreign companies and letting logging companies log so called 'wildlife preserves', which is incredible dishonest and (in my opinion and the opinion of lots and lots of protesters) wrong.

And they've also quadrupled university/college tuition fees. those jerks.

And, with that little sub-rant done, I really don't have a hard life. I was born well-off, have never lived in a house without food and heating/electricity. My parents are married, more or less happily, and my cat can afford insulin shots for his diabetes.

Even so, I'm constantly depressed. I'm not anywhere near the level at which I'd consider commiting suicide, and I don't think I ever will be, but I'm still unsatisfied with my life as it is now, and can't seem to make it better. I think I'm going in the right direction (exercising more, working harder at school, trying to get more sleep), but it seems like I'm less happy now then back when I was just...

I just realized, I wasn't really lazier, more antisocial, anything like that, a few years ago. I didn't like high school, and I don't want to go back, but I miss it. I had a specific reason to get up in the morning, it didn't cost me any money, if I slept in class it usually didn't hurt me, I had friends who I saw every day, wether any of us really wanted to get out of bed in the morning or not. It was easier, basically. I know I had to leave eventually, and graduating at grade 12 was as good a time as any, but wow. the real world is harder. That's probably why I'm tired all the time.

I think that was at least a bit therapeutic.

posted by Murray @ 11:22 PM